Custom Bats Cricket Forum
Equipment => Bats => Topic started by: petehosk on January 21, 2010, 03:49:08 PM
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Ok chaps... a bit of fun.
Someone compared a bat to a woman when grading is concerned, and came out with a few classic comparisons! And thought it would be funny to continue on a similar theme!
So I'll start with 5 ways in which a bat is different from a woman and let anyone else add some!
1. You can share your bat with your mates!
2. You can rub oil into your bat without your bat complaining that you're making a mess!
3. You can take 3 or 4 bats out at the same time!
4. You get to choose how your bat is dressed (stickers, grips, etc)
5. You can talk about how good your first ever bat was without your other bats getting jealous!
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Just need a company to invent a bat that does the washing up and cooking, then we're sorted.
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6. The more you hit the bat with a mallet, then better the bat plays!
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you said it tom. mongooses next invention!
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7. You can dump a bat (in the cupboard) for a couple of years, and come back and play with it anytime you want!
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petehosk/josef fritzl who would know the difference?
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Good point! He shut his daughter away for over 20 years in a cupboard!!
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7. You can dump a bat (in the cupboard) for a couple of years, and come back and play with it anytime you want!
8. using a plastic cover wont hinder performance
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Nice one Buzz! ;D
9. A bat doesn't ask you if it looks big in its cover!
10. The heavier and more meat on the bat, the more your mates lust over it!
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11. you only have to keep the bat in its prime performance..
12. BATS DON'T TALK..
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13. Bats don't insist on watching EastEnders when you're watching cricket on TV!
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14. a bat wont take up room in the bed
15. even a £200 bat is cheap in comparison to a woman
16. Bats don't need handbags or shoes
problem is that bats don't look that great in a little black dress...
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17. With bats, it's not just about how it looks...
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my bat never complains or tries to escape when i make love to it
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19. having a bat with a big back(side) is a good thing
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20. Having a freakishly long neck (handle) with a very short, dumpy, fat body is considered the newest and hottest thing!
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one reason why bats and women are the same... they seem ok when you first meet, you dont spend too much time together, and at the first oppotunity they will slap your mates balls around
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you get to spend time in the covers with them ;)
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Like that!! Nice play on words!
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Differences between bat and women:
21. Strangers will come up and tell you how lush and gorgeous your bat looks!
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22. You won't take a swing at them when they do!!
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23: The stiffer the face the better
24: Rubber / Latex is not considered unusual
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25: You can fix them with glue and fibre tape not flowers and a dinner out
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26. And they are happy and last longer if you give them a yearly rub down and oil!
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27. you don't have to wait for hours for them to be ready before you go out
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28. If you are in and out in 10 seconds, then you're more disappointed than your bat is!
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29. They like it hard.
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30. sleeping with my bat it never steals the duvet
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31) Bats don't get moody at a certain time of the month.
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32) bat doesnt complain if u stay out all night drinking !
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33) Weight reduction doesnt leave stretch marks hehehhe
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A bat only needs one toe guard or shoe gooo not 100's in different shapes/styles to match each grip (dress) colour!
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Thought I'd put the best ones so far together in one if anyone wants to print them out.
Reasons Why A Cricket Bat is Better Than A Woman
• You can share your bat with your mates!
• You can rub oil into your bat without your bat complaining that you're making a mess!
• You can take 3 or 4 bats out at the same time!
• You get to choose how your bat is dressed (stickers, grips, etc)
• You can talk about how good your first ever bat was without your other bats getting jealous!
• The more you hit the bat with a mallet, then better the bat plays!
• You can dump a bat (in the cupboard) for a couple of years, and come back and play with it anytime you want!
• Using a plastic cover wont hinder performance
• A bat doesn't ask you if it looks big in its cover!
• The heavier and more meat on the bat, the more your mates lust over it!
• You only have to keep the bat in its prime performance.
• Bats don’t talk!
• Bats don't insist on watching EastEnders when you're watching cricket on TV!
• A bat wont take up room in the bed
• Even a £200 bat is cheap in comparison to a woman
• Bats don't need handbags or shoes.
• With bats, it's not just about how it looks...
• Having a bat with a big back(side) is a good thing
• Having a freakishly long neck (handle) with a very short, dumpy, fat body is considered the newest and hottest thing!
• Strangers will come up and tell you how lush and gorgeous your bat looks!
• You won't take a swing at them when they do!!
• The stiffer the face the better
• Rubber / Latex is not considered unusual
• You can fix them with glue and fibre tape not flowers and a dinner out
• They are happy and last longer if you give them a yearly rub down and oil!
• You don't have to wait for hours for them to be ready before you go out
• If you are in and out in 10 seconds, then you're more disappointed than your bat is!
• Bats don't get moody at a certain time of the month.
• Weight reduction doesn’t leave stretch marks
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Knocking up a cricket bat doesn't involve a visit to the Jeremy Kyle Show
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you can play with a bat when ever u want
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Bats don't mind how many rubbers you use
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a bat is happy to go out with you naked (no stickers)
cosmetic surgery is a damnsite cheaper.
a bat doesnt mind going swinging.
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to be fair i do love bats but if there better than women then some of you must have stinkers
sorry!!!!!
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I'm married with kids. But thats even more reason to take the mick out of women, although I wouldn't change my wife for all the bats in the Screaming Cat workshop!!!
I think that you'll find this was a bit of fun procricket??? Not to be taken too seriously??
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sense of humours these days eh...
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A bat seems to get better with age and when its a bit rough around the edges!!
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Bats dont mind going after a wide one or trying to pull everything!!
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I actually love my bat, not just say I do for peace and quiet.
I'd never play with a mates bat either
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When i was younger (16) i used to put my bat in my bed with me when i was away on trials or with county! Thought it would help develop a relationship between and my bat in the hope that it would make me play better the following day . . . . will let you guess the outcome !!
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Hey Dan - I always wondered where those little bats came from!! Now I know!! ;)
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LoL Dan..
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Pete yeah your right 9 months after that week in worcester I had 2 autograph bats knocking on my door claiming i was their father . . . so i did the right thing and took them to a test match and let angus fraser write all over them!! haha
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Pro Cricket - Just a guess, but I take it you are not married with kids and quite as cynical as some of the more enthusiastic contributors to this thread!
yes iam married and i have 2 great kids one 3 year old and a 1 year old and i would still say the same and seriously is this a joke
bloody hell i thought i was old
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I think its pretty obvious that its just a bit of fun but if you cant see that then your rubbing up the wrong tree or you lack something that is called a sense of humour . . .
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bloody hell people take them self to seriously i know it a bloody joke bloody hell.
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bats are better cause they dont get offended by anything..
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THE HANDBOOK
http://samarmidnightramblings.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-handbook.html?spref=tw
Statutory Warning :To be read with a sense of humor and dollops of attitude especially by the fairer sex J
He had been going through a lean phase… Sexually as well as emotionally. The man needed a woman and needed her fast. To bring a little colour back into his life, to add a little spice, to shake him out of his intellectual slumber. He’s a close friend, and so it fell on me to rescue him. I introduced him to a wonderful girl and now he can’t stop smiling.
Why did I do it? Because I felt he had practiced enough in the nets, it was time to get on to the field and actually play the sport. That’s how I explained it to him . I believe that flirting with women is exactly like playing cricket. To be a good player, you need to master the nuances of the game. If you understand cricket ..you follow the same rules at flirting too …
Much like cricket, flirting can be classified into three categories. There is the 20:20 format, the 50-over game and the test match. Flirting approaches are somewhat similar. Sometimes you do it the way you’d play a 20:20 game. It’s quick, fun and over in a flash. You need to enter the field armed with your best moves and power play. You need your best lines and sharpest reflexes. One false or ill-timed move and you could be heading back to the pavilion. It’s feel-good and fun.
Then there is the 50-over approach. With some women, flirting is a slower, more drawn-out affair. The tempo rises and falls, depending on the pitch. It’s not about going in all-guns blazing, it’s about waiting for the right moment in the match to make a certain kind of move. It’s a combination of endurance and timing. Not for the flash in the pan variety of men.
And finally there are the Test Matches. The format that made cricket the gentlemen’s game. The Test Match approach needs time, commitment and a lot of technique. A player is worthy only if he can last for a large part of the duration of the match. This approach requires the player to keep at it, not give up and grind it out till he gets the desired results. Flashiness is not going to get the player anywhere in this format.
Once the player has identified the format he wants to play, he has to gauge the pitch. Like cricket pitches, women differ from each other. So a 20:20 game in India will be played differently than in England, which will be different from when you’re playing Down Under. You have to change your game plan not only to suit the format, but also to suit that particular pitch. It must also be remembered that pitch conditions change with the weather. So depending on whether she’s had a good or bad day, a woman will have two very different reactions to the same master stroke. As a batsman, it’s important to perceive a dangerous ball while it’s hurtling at you and not after it has clean-bowled you. The earlier you read the pitch condictions,the better you are prepared with your shot !!
Like you progress in cricket—from gully cricket to the Ranji level and eventually to the national team, you progress in the levels of flirting too. As a novice, you have to test home waters before you venture out into the ocean. You start domestic, and then move to international. You can’t be pitted against Brett lee at the start of your career. He will squash your confidence and finish off your career even before it starts. It works pretty much the same way with women. You pace yourself and start flirting with women you have a good chance of winning over. You play out of your league before you’re ready and the results could be disastrous. So don’t overextend yourselves at the beginning of your career ..pace yourselves
Like in cricket, experience matters in flirting as well. If you have played for long enough, your memory bank serves as a ready reckoner for any situation you may find yourself in. Sachin Tendulkar is believed to have 4 strokes for every ball that’s thrown at him. Depending on the other variables, he chooses the best stroke to face that ball. That’s experience, my friend! Flirting works in a similar fashion. Depending on who the girl is, you change your response to the same question. And if you are naturally gifted as a Brian Lara was in cricket ,experience can only enhance your natural skills ..
A true enthusiast and player is a person who’s mastered all three versions of the game. You can’t restrict yourself to just one format. That would just limit your growth. To be known as a true ‘player’, you have to learn to play on every pitch in all formats under any conditions!
And lastly, there’s just one more thing a player must never forget: there’s just one good ball or one bad shot standing between you and the next player. So never stop practicing. Even if you’re resting due to an injury, indulge in at least a little net practice. Because when you do decide to come back on the field, you don’t want to get out on duck, do you?
So the rules of cricket and flirting are the same, everyone is just trying to master the game! J
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Of course, there is the similarity - we all like an easy pick up! ;)
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And of course - we do like one that goes well... :)
... and it's nice to have one that makes the other guys jealous...
But I suppose one difference is that we don't mind our bat(s) being in a (changing) room full of naked men...
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Plus when you get fed up with a bat you can sell it on or shove it in the loft.
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Plus when you get fed up with a bat you can sell it on or shove it in the loft.
'course, you can do that wi' lass as well - just think Jane Eyre!
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Of course, there is the similarity - we all like an easy pick up! ;)
They both have surface cracks...
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Oh Dear Paul, that is awful!
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While we like a vintage shape we often hanker after a new model...
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...and always worry too much about looks over performance...