Custom Bats Cricket Forum
General Cricket => Latest Matches => Topic started by: mdl_1979 on October 29, 2010, 09:51:18 AM
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From The Times website:
“You are a damned lot of sneaks.” W.G. Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877.
“I don’t want to see you Mr Warner. There are two teams out there; one is trying to play cricket and the other is not.” Bill Woodfull, the Australia captain, to Pelham Warner, the England manager, during the Bodyline series in Adelaide.
“All right, which one of you bastards called this (No Swearing Please) a (No Swearing Please)?” Victor Richardson to Douglas Jardine after the England captain complained that a slip fielder had sworn at him.
“Tap that one down you little (No Swearing Please).” Tony Lock unleashes a bouncer at Richie Benaud after a prolonged spell of gardening from the future commentating legend.
“Don’t bother shutting it, son, you won’t be there long enough.” Fred Truman to an incoming Australia batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord’s.
“Who’s this then? Father bloody Christmas?” Jeff Thomson to David Steele.
“When are your balls going to drop sonny?” Tony Greig to a young David Hookes, making his Test debut in the Centenary Test in 1977. Hookes: “Don’t know but at least I’m playing cricket for my own country.”
“No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage.” Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer during the same Test.
“So how’s your wife and my kids?” Rodney Marsh, the Australia wicketkeeper, to Ian Botham.
Botham’s response: “The wife’s fine – the kids are retarded.”
“Mate, if you just turn the bat over you’ll find the instructions on the other side,” Merv Hughes to Robin Smith, Graeme Hick and countless other English batsmen.
“You can’t f****** bat.” Merv Hughes to Robin Smith at the Lord’s Test of 1989.
Smith smites Hughes to the boundary and retorts: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t f****** bat and you can’t f****** bowl.”
On the next tour: “It’s four years since I bowled to you and you haven’t improved” Merv Hughes. The next ball goes for four. “Neither have you,” responds Smith.
“I’ll bowl you a f***ing piano, you Pommie poof. Let’s see if you can play that.” Merv Hughes to Mike Atherton.
“I couldn’t work out what he was saying, except that every sledge ended with ‘arsewipe’.” Atherton on Hughes.
“Look, I don’t mind the others chirping at me but you’re just the bus driver of this team. So you get back on the bus and get ready to drive it back to the hotel this evening.” Nasser Hussain, the England captain, to a young Justin Langer on the way to scoring 207 at Edgbaston in 1997.
“Let’s have you right under Nasser’s nose.” Ian Healy placing a fielder yards away at cover when Hussain was batting a year later Down Under.
Mark Waugh: “F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.” James Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
“You’ve got to bat on this in a minute, Tuffers. Hospital food suit you?” Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell after the spinner had just got him out.
“You got an MBE, right? For scoring seven at the Oval? That’s embarrassing.” Shane Warne has a dig at Paul Collingwood in the final Test of the 2006-07 Ashes. He actually scored 17.
“You’re just upset because no one loves you any more.” Kevin Pietersen to Shane Watson, who had just been dumped by his girlfriend.
“What are you looking at, Shermanator?” Shane Warne to Ian Bell.
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Are you Bangladesh in disguise?
Barmy Army
He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne.
Barmy Army
Get your sh*t stars off our flag.
Barmy Army
You're only good at swimming.
Barmy Army, The Oval, 2005
Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones.
Matthew Hoggard
That Glenn McGrath ... what a (No Swearing Please).
Mick Jagger
Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body.
Bob Willis
I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out
The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders? It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15 years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment.
Michael Atherton
Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing.
Dan Nicoll
The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud
The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker
Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham
All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about cricket.
Ian Botham
If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk.
Ian Botham
Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest
All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series.
journlist to DR Jardine "they don't seem to like you much here Mr Jardine" to which he replied "well the feeling's f ing mutual"
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Mdl, you got that from the sun didn't you, the one on Tuesday?! ;) :D
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GREAT.... I'm really looking forward to the Ashes now
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Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed?
Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee
The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus.
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes
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“So how’s your wife and my kids?” Rodney Marsh, the Australia wicketkeeper, to Ian Botham.
Botham’s response: “The wife’s fine – the kids are retarded.”
this one is gold lol
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From the Telegraph website:
“You’re s***, Hayden, and so is your chicken casserole,” an England fan shouted at Matthew Hayden, who had recently released his own cookery book, during the 2005 series.
Mike Atherton, on being told by Australian wicket keeper Ian Healy he was a ‘f***ing cheat’ for failing to walk, replied, “When in Rome, dear boy ... “
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I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians.
Ted Dexter
Sir Clive Wigram: [at a meeting with Pelham Warner] I can't help feeling, with Jardine as captain, we may win the Ashes, but we may lose a dominion!
Heckler (Ernest Jones): [in boat alongside the Oriente through a loud hailer] Go home, you Pommie bastards! You don't stand a chance against Bradman!
Douglas Jardine: [on deck to other players] Gentlemen, we are entering the land of the barbarian!
"I've not travelled 6,000 miles to make friends. I'm here to win the Ashes."
Douglas Jardine, 1932-33 Ashes
[this one may take a bit of brain power...]
Percy George Fender: [to Jardine] Donald George Bradman, born 1908, son of a carpenter from Bowral, New South Wales. Son of a carpenter? It's worth a thought!
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From The Times website:
Mdl, you got that from the sun didn't you, the one on Tuesday?! ;) :D
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Oh my bad, I didn't see that. It was in the Sun as well, though..
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From the Guardian:
'This clown's a Twitter batsman – 140 seconds maximum and then it's over'
Peter Siddle to Monty Panesar
'Mate, did they take the excess hair from your arms to fix your bald spot?'
Kevin Pietersen to Ricky Ponting
'Ever wonder who's going to pay for Stanford's bail? I'd check the joint account if I were you'
Brad Haddin to Matt Prior
'Cooky, who does your eyeliner? It's divine'
Marcus North to Alastair Cook
'I've seen nuns that deviate more than your deliveries, mate'
Phillip Hughes to Stuart Broad
'Colly, do the right thing and give your MBE to Claire Taylor. There's a good bloke'
Nathan Hauritz to Paul Collingwood
'You couldn't turn an oven knob, pal'
Collingwood to Nathan Hauritz
'Swanny, when are you gonna give Roger Ramjet his chin back?'
Michael Clarke to Graeme Swann
'Huss, heard you were the only man in India not to get the runs'
Andrew Flintoff to Mike Hussey
'Freddie, did you leave your brain on the bus this morning? Did you even make it to the bus?'
Hussey to Flintoff
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Nice to hear some new ones eaowbear, makes a change from same old every series!!
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'Swanny, when are you gonna give Roger Ramjet his chin back?'
Michael Clarke to Graeme Swann
(http://i895.photobucket.com/albums/ac151/buzzrockport/graeme-swann_1400126c.jpg) (http://i895.photobucket.com/albums/ac151/buzzrockport/ramjet.jpg)
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Jimmy Cook managed to spoke a few chirps to me a few years back , I still remained not out to him. Top Grade (No Swearing Please) he was back then.
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Mark Waugh: “F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.” James Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
Classic, i used this on a fella in my team this season who was giving me some banter. His 15 year old son just scored his maiden 50 at the time, shut him up no end!
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The Independent:
Paul Nixon to Michael Clarke
Nixon has the knack of getting up opponents' noses, as Clark found out during the one-day series in 2007. "Badger" suggested to Clarke that his form had suffered since he changed his bat sticker. Clarke responded: "Nixon, you're a club cricketer." This was too good for Nixon to miss. "How's it going to feel, Michael, to be caught by a club cricketer?" he asked. "How. Is. That. Going. To. Feel? You know what, you're going to make a club cricketer's day."
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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/theashes/8095663/The-Ashes-2010-Australian-Big-Ben-stunt-could-lead-to-legal-action.html
The Palace of Westminster is part of a Unesco world heritage site, and it’s both inappropriate and insulting for this important location and its buildings to effectively be abused in this manner,” Westminster city council’s deputy leader, councillor Robert Davis, told the Guardian newspaper.
“It’s also a criminal offence.
“If an organisation wishes to display advertising on it, or any other building in Westminster for that matter, they should apply through the normal channels like any right-minded person with respect for the law.
“Although we’ve not prosecuted previously as such stunts are usually over quickly, we do feel now that enough is enough and we’re considering legal action.”
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Disgraceful, got to watch those Aussies... ;)
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Someone buy Mr. Davis a box of Kleenex
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Mr Davis?
who is that?
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Mr Davis?
who is that?
Referring to Robert Davis....
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Seems to me all the hot air (like the image on Big Ben) is coming from one side only. Strauss went to great lengths yesterday to say he wouldn't get involved in a war of words. Makes you wonder if they are a tad worried...
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The Independent:
Paul Nixon to Michael Clarke
Nixon has the knack of getting up opponents' noses, as Clark found out during the one-day series in 2007. "Badger" suggested to Clarke that his form had suffered since he changed his bat sticker. Clarke responded: "Nixon, you're a club cricketer." This was too good for Nixon to miss. "How's it going to feel, Michael, to be caught by a club cricketer?" he asked. "How. Is. That. Going. To. Feel? You know what, you're going to make a club cricketer's day."
Atleast everyone knows who Michael Clarke is......
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From Ashes to Ashes by Marcus Berkmann I stumbled across some interesting quotes, although not sledges I admit!
Athers: “(Merv Hughes) could spit and snarl at you from 22 yards, but when you had a beer with him, you realised he was just a silly old poodle; after that, he didn’t frighten you so much.” Whilst I remembered Merv being a decent bowler, I was surprised to discover just how good he was as Merv the Swerve reached 200 Test wickets faster than Curtly Ambrose.
Also there was this interesting footnote about Dean Jones: “most players are given nicknames by other people. (Dean) Jones chose his own: ‘The Legend’.”
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Some quotes from Simon Briggs Stiff Upper Lips and Baggy Green Caps:
'They don't seem to like you very much over here, Mr. Jardine.' 'It's f***ing mutual!' An exchange between England batsmen 'Pasty' hendren and his captain
'A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in your life - if you were deaf'. Harold Larwood
Dennis Lille on Boycott 'The only fellow I've met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since.'
"Who can forget Malcolm Devon?" England's Chariman of Selectors Ted Dexter salutes Devon Malcolm
And from the legend that is Bumble:
'The injury did confirm my earlier statement that I could play Thommo with my c**k.' David Lloyd takes a fast one in the box.