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[Lumsden]

Due to various circumstances, mostly beyond my control, I am available both Saturday & Sunday this coming weekend.

Has to be 2nd XI level or lower and the lower the standard of cricket, the more attractive your offer will become. Also the more exotic location the better.

In return I offer your team a number of roles including:
- opening batsman but only if the opposition bowling consists of young kids no older than 14 or pensioners in their 80s. I also demand half decent sightscreens and umpires who don't give LBWs.
- No 7 batsman when the team has collapsed to about 50-5 and you require someone whose sole interest is end up not out then tell the rest of the team that it's a 250+ wicket.
- No. 11 (see No.7 but with additional bowling demands).

Bowling wise and my requirements are far more simple and that is I exclusively bowl to batsmen with an average in single figures. However I do demand that my long off is sober so perhaps that excludes invitations from @uknsaunders.

In regards to what I bring to the team in terms of fielding, I am firm believer that guest players of a certain age stand at 1st slip and drop anything that comes their way.

Finally it would be far easier if you just sent a menu as PDF attachment rather than sound ostentatious over what I want and don't want for tea.

[GoodLeave]

This might be the best "Have bat, will travel" I've ever seen...

[joeljonno]

We might have a space over York way, but won't know until Thursday at the earliest.

[Lumsden]

Now have a match on Saturday but still available on Sunday.

[felix]

I can offer you a nice friendly at Shackleford (near guildford) on Sunday with the wandering side I play a few games for who are at least 1 short.  Standard won't be spectacular but it's a pretty ground and a good pub lunch.  You didn't say how far you were willing to travel...?

[Lumsden]

100 mile radius of York so sadly Surrey is a touch too far.