Custom Bats Cricket Forum
General Cricket => Your Cricket => Topic started by: uknsaunders on July 20, 2015, 09:06:41 AM
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Seen plenty but some knob got my backup two sunday's ago. Ball going down leg (not by much) and he pads it away, runs to the other end and tells the umpire (who was obviously as stupid as him) to call it a leg bye. When I point out he hadn't played a shot, he said "I saved it being called a wide anyway" - utter disbelief that there are people this stupid playing cricket. Our captain, not being the most astute observer of the laws of cricket believed him as well! He was about 50 odd and should know the laws by now!
Got my own back and sent him packing later on :D
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Had a big snick the other day into the keepers gloves, the umpire didn't give it and said "sorry, I didn't see what happened so I can't give that"
The batsman laughed and said after he'd hit the cover off it...
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I saw my reflection in a puddle on the outfield once.
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One of our players forgot to bring his trousers and ended up opening the bowling in shorts (and a headband). Seen a few guys bowling in headbands and it does look village. Anybody in black trainers as well.
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Playing Evening League a few seasons ago at Drax, some bloke turned up late on his massive tractor and trailer. He put some whites on, went straight onto the pitch and bowled 4 overs, took 3 or 4 wickets walked off got back on his tractor and went to back to work.
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On a Sunday, our number 4 came out to bat, went to take guard......No bat
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Another one.....
My Dad and brother both liked using the same bat so when they were in together they'd swap bats mid way through an over if they ran a single, that's proper village
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Bloke having a fag at cover during play, put the fag down each ball and picked it up again afterwards
Any batsman who thinks thigh pads are best worn outside trousers (saw a guy once with the full shorts/pads/box setup on over his trousers)
Team we played last year who almost all either batted in keeping pads or had cut the top flap of their pads off
Batsman in a t20 league this year went through 3 brand new sports direct bats in one innings, clearly hadn't knocked them in and broke the toe on 2 of them.
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We had a new guy come and play for us from Serbia and he walked out to bat and was facing the wicket keeper and slips tapping his bat looking all confused.
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Once played with a guy who come out to field with an armguard on because he was scared of getting hurt. He then proceeded to be to leave the field half way through the innings when asked to stand in slip to get his helmet. He was then stood at slip with an armguard and helmet on.
Couldn't quite believe what I was seeing.
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How did I forget this one - last season our number 11 was doing the book when the 9th wicket fell, he went out to bat like this (and padded up on the square!)
(http://i1206.photobucket.com/albums/bb450/CPye061194/45B862B0-BD51-4E06-A0E7-423D9E6471CB_zps51rxth7i.jpg) (http://s1206.photobucket.com/user/CPye061194/media/45B862B0-BD51-4E06-A0E7-423D9E6471CB_zps51rxth7i.jpg.html)
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The other week we had a player who hadn't played for a few years other than tour turn up, borrowed whites from people but didnt have any shoes so fielded bare foot for a few overs until a spectator drove home and got some (not to be helpful but out of pure embarrassment that there was someone prepared to field 40 overs without shoes or socks on)
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A bloke taking guard and asking for 'middle'.
Umpire says: 'a bit away'.
so the batsman leaves his bat in the same spot but takes a pace back.
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A bloke taking guard and asking for 'middle'.
Umpire says: 'a bit away'.
so the batsman leaves his bat in the same spot but takes a pace back.
lol! That's great.
We've got a player always asks for middle, scratches it out and then proceeds to stand anywhere from 4 inches behind it, to toes on it to heels on it, different stance to every ball, I've never asked why he thinks you have to ask what middle is. Does he know it means middle stump? Is it so the umpire knows where you're standing? One of those quirky rules you just have to say "is that middle" and no one knows why? I'll never know why he thinks you're supposed to do it.
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I once saw a lad do a very good impression of Sir Ian Botham, by which I mean he took a big swing at the ball, missed and then fell over his stumps trying to regain his balance.
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I once saw a lad do a very good impression of Sir Ian Botham, by which I mean he took a big swing at the ball, missed and then fell over his stumps trying to regain his balance.
You mean Iinzamam ul haq haha
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You mean Iinzamam ul haq haha
Him as well.
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I do remember a very attacking field being set with NO ONE behind the bowler at all. Anything pushed past him he had to turn round and chase it himself. :o
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Team playing our 1sts last weekend had a genuine long stop in the field. This is South Wales Premier League cricket.
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A team I played against several seasons ago in the Surrey County League 2nd XI (who shall remain nameless so as not to embarass them) who conceded 103 extras, including 48 wides and 39 byes, who really would have been better off with a genuine long stop. Given they lost by twice that number it hardly affected the result.
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A guy for our side once went out to bat at number 9 - Said he was fairly new to the game but couldnt bowl.
He started the over batting right handed face three balls and edged a two. When he faced up for the 4th ball he was batting left handed. The keeper proceeded to say hold on mate, you were batting right handed a minute ago, whats going on. Our batsman did not understand that he was previously batting right handed he just said he was doing what felt comfortable. He proceeded to edge his way to 15 or 16 changing between batting right handed and left handed frequently.
This was previous to switch hits and reverse sweeps being hit all the time, was a genuine error on his behalf not having a clue how to stand.
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At the weekend I claimed my first scalp due to the help of the opposition captain umpiring.
34th over and the opener was 28* in a 40 over game, I bowl a wide yorker. The opener flirts with it hammers the floor with his bat. Keeper goes up, I laugh at him and shake my head, turn to go back to my mark to see the oppo skippers finger raised.
Since figured he wanted him out for scoring ridiculously slow, so they could post a decent total! Took a bit of the edge off my first wicket! But I have heard of this happening at this standard!
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Used to play down south where there was a full season of Sunday friendly fixtures and every summer we would play this village team with a "player" who didn't have proper whites, played in shoes or trainers, wore sunglasses whatever the weather and always had a few pints prior to the match starting. However one year he turned out to be their unlikely match winner as chasing 100, they collapsed from 89-2 to 98-9. He strolled in (perhaps staggered is a better description) and completely missed 3 deliveries then connected at the 4th attempt. I was at square leg and remember to this day thinking this is mine but it went so high up and with boundary being so short my side, the wind blew it into the field about 3 yards behind me. I was gutted as I had been thrown the ball at 89-2, taken 4 wickets and hit the wickets side on with a run out too.
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I once turned up to a game only to not find any white trousers in my bag. Had to field in black joggers for about 8 overs, while my parents delivered me my white trousers... :-[
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I feel like I'm lying, but I'm not - We played a team a couple of years ago Southport and District Division 4 or something, there batsman pushed the ball through cover or something and set off for a quick single, but the outfield was so long they ended up running 4 as we were looking for the ball... Later in the day one of there lower order batsmen came out to the crease in a pair of rigger boots!!!!
My mate Dan hold his helmet every time he takes a run for no reason we have yet to figure, in our annual work game a year or so ago he lost a pad running between the wickets and completed his run helmet in one hand, pad in the other, bat tucked under his arm... As you do.
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On Saturday. 8 overs in the sun comes over the tree line. A 10 minute wait then proceeded as the batsmen was blinded by the reflection of a car over the bowlers arm as there was no sight screens (ever more village) and then the wait was whilst they searched for spare curtains to put over the car
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...the outfield was so long they ended up running 4 as we were looking for the ball
I couldn't think of any examples but this reminded me.
Red hot day, 30 degrees and no wind, 30/40 overs into the innings and the batsman smashes a ball not quite to the boundary, should've gone but the grass is so long it got held up and stopped a few yards short. Lazy teenager fielder, seeing how hard it's been hit, turns around and dawdles towards it at a snails pace thinking it's gone, lazy tired batsmen don't even move from their creases thinking it's gone. All the fielders are back facing the wicket when after about 30 seconds someone shout's "It's not gone", batsmen still stare at each other and check "has it?" and still don't run, kid retrieves the ball and flings it in just as they start running and almost get run out, could've run 6 or 7 easily if they'd have been going but they only just made one.
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How did I forget this one - last season our number 11 was doing the book when the 9th wicket fell, he went out to bat like this (and padded up on the square!)
([url]http://i1206.photobucket.com/albums/bb450/CPye061194/45B862B0-BD51-4E06-A0E7-423D9E6471CB_zps51rxth7i.jpg[/url]) ([url]http://s1206.photobucket.com/user/CPye061194/media/45B862B0-BD51-4E06-A0E7-423D9E6471CB_zps51rxth7i.jpg.html[/url])
Not sure what's worse- the outfit or the barnet!
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I thought it was a woman at first haha
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Some of these have literally made my ribs hurt laughing at them...fair play!
I remember once a few years ago almost losing a ball down a rabbit hole in the outfield. Doesn't bear thinking about what would happen to a fielder's ankle if they'd run into it!
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Ive batted quite often with my cap back to front, but im a G
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Ive batted quite often with my cap back to front, but im a G
I've seen someone bowling, and instead of taking their cap off they just turned it back to front, I couldn't decide if they looked like a G, or like a 'G Spot' ;)
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Surrey 2XI Div 1 weekend before last
Batsman number 3 comes out with a left and right handed batting glove, lots of thumb padding rather than none.
I noticed cos 1 was red branded GN, the other green branded Kook! Not even subtle.
He got some chat
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Reading some of these anecdotes has reminded me of a couple of funny incidents .
A lad around of 14-15 playing for the opposition in a Sunday friendly was supposed to be fielding at long off but was actually stood right behind the bowler so in front of the sight screen. Someone tells him to move a few yards to his left and next over from that end, the ball is hit straight past the bowler and youngster moves around but then stops dead in tracks next to the sight screen and the ball dribbles over boundary. For a few seconds everyone is speechless and bowler wanders off to investigate what the problem is as the young lad is still stood there and hasn't retrieved the ball. It turns out that the young lad had been instructed he could not field in front of the sight screen so had taken that instruction literally.
Another time I was playing the first league match of the season and from 55-5, the next pair put on an unbeaten 197 partnership meaning we ended up 252-5 off 45 overs. In reply the opposition lost wickets regularly and we needed 2 more for victory when our leg spinner came on to bowl but he hadn't been to any nets in the winter so rusty was an understatement. First ball was a waist height full toss which the batsman pulled magnificently but straight to the only fielder on the leg side boundary and was caught. However the next delivery was even worse, came out all wrong, bowler even apologised while ball was still in the air and it sailed over the batsman's head but landed almost vertically on the stumps. Obviously a clear no-ball, most of us were laughing and a couple of us close fielders attended the stumps then spotted the umpire (at the bowling end) already half way to the club house with the stumps from that end under his arm. It then transpires that the umpire was the batsman's father and was chased off the field by his son whilst the rest of us were simply standing there not knowing quite what to do. After about a minute, neither umpire or batsman returned so we just walked off having won the game but truly bizarre end to the match.
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First story involves a wicket keeper that chases a leg side wide delivery down to the fence and while putting his gloves back on after the long chase and throw the bowler has quickly delivered the next delivery which is wide outside off and goes for 4 byes with the keeper only half way back from the fence screaming at the bowler and throwing his equipment down o the ground.
Second story involves a 9 man slip field in which the batsman hits it to the bowler and runs out his partner.
God I love cricket.
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Second story involves a 9 man slip field in which the batsman hits it to the bowler and runs out his partner.
Haha we had one similar on a tour game in Malta. We had the bowler and a cover, everyone else in the slips. The batsman had literally the whole of Malta to hit it, but slapped his first ball straight at cover. He then proceded to swear very loudly and storm off whilst throwing his bat towards the pavilion, so one would guess he didn't mean to do it.
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We once played against a team where their number 3 batsman went for a lap of the pitch (fully padded up, with their bat) and a wicket fell when he was half way round the pitch and he just walked on...
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I've seen someone bowling, and instead of taking their cap off they just turned it back to front, I couldn't decide if they looked like a G, or like a 'G Spot' ;)
Geoff Boycott used to do this!
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The other week, I saw a park game in which a 'wide' was hit for four. Not sure if we can count this, as those playing couldn't possibly have been regular cricketers?
I also played in a game recently where the 'umpire' signalled the same same ball wide and byes.
Bowler using his jumper a run-up marker?
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Geoff Boycott used to do this!
Exactly, thats why he said he looked like a G! G for Geoffrey!
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Exactly, thats why he said he looked like a G! G for Geoffrey!
OK. But there was none more professional, surely?
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Lad left his gloves outside and during a rain break, one of them ended up under a chair and was dry and the other was soaked, he asked to borrow mine and I said of course, gave him my gloves and when he was out taking his guard noticed he was batting in one of his own blue adidas gloves and one of my flourescent yellow Gray Nicolls. I think he was trying to be polite but I did mean he could borrow both of them.
I've also seen a Sunday game with one saturday 1st teamer and all the others 3s/4s and lads and dads, so by far the best bat/bowler and fielder on the side and was put out the field on the cover boundary as sweeper since he could run twice as fast as anyone else and we were hitting a lot of boundaries. Between overs he went and got a chair out of the pavilion, put it just behind the boundary rope and sits on the chair watching the game right up until the batsman connects, for leg side shots he just stayed sitting on the chair and for off side shots he got up and chased the ball down and rocketed it back to the keeper. To make it worse, he didn't actually miss a single ball and stopped a sack full of boundaries, which made it even more annoying.
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The other week, I saw a park game in which a 'wide' was hit for four. Not sure if we can count this, as those playing couldn't possibly have been regular cricketers?
A few years back I was playing in the local university staff league when an umpire turned around to signal a wide before the ball had even reached half way down the wicket. What happened next was the batsman made a valiant attempt to hit it, actually connected but only sent the ball vertical and the catch was taken by the keeper all while the umpire was still stood in opposite direction signalling wide. Umpire then insisted it was wide because he had given that first before the batsman hit it. As it happens, batsman was out very next ball caught at mid-off.
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A few years back I was playing in the local university staff league when an umpire turned around to signal a wide before the ball had even reached half way down the wicket. What happened next was the batsman made a valiant attempt to hit it, actually connected but only sent the ball vertical and the catch was taken by the keeper all while the umpire was still stood in opposite direction signalling wide. Umpire then insisted it was wide because he had given that first before the batsman hit it. As it happens, batsman was out very next ball caught at mid-off.
Haha that happened to me first game of the season. I was on 80 odd and batting well, I'd just smashed the bowler for two boundaries the first two balls. The third one he got all wrong, missed the track and bounced twice as it got to my end. I thought about leaving it for about half a second, before running at point to try and smash it to the boundary again. Swung my nuts off and got a horrible toey edge that looped up to backward point. Everyone was laughing, including myself, excluding the bowler who just had his head in his hands.
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Someone came out in Pink & Blue Adidas F50's to bat. He had a bit of chat and hopefully he won't do it again.
(http://s4.postimg.org/4xs18p03t/2014_World_Cup_Men_Adidas_F50_Adizero_New_Samba.jpg) (http://postimg.org/image/4xs18p03t/)
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All this talk of getting caught off bad balls!
I took a blinder of a one handed catch in a pre-season game last year, nobody remembers that bit though!
We had a bloke (the guy in the picture I posted earlier) who was playing for the first time in his life. His first over went wide, wide, no ball that rolled, four, four, six, wicket of a double bouncer, dot, no ball that rolled, four.
Having hit a couple of boundaries the batsman couldn't resist a hoik, and got it on the 2nd bounce. He had a solid connection, and I dived back and stuck a hand above my head at square leg, it stuck! He couldn't believe his luck, he got out to a terrible ball to a worldie of a catch by the team fatty! His teammates were all laughing about it after the game still :D
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I was batting in a game earlier this season when the very over-excitable slip fielder screamed "well bowled" when the ball was halfway down the pitch on its way to me. Talk about offputting, I managed to lay a bat on it and remonstrated with him afterwards, and I actually believed the skipper's apology that the guy had no idea what he was doing ???
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About a month ago we had a friendly T20 against a touring side on a Wednesday evening. Three balls into our opening over the umpire from their team produced a huge Cuban cigar from his pocket and proceeded to light up. Despite several words to the chap, anyone bowling when he was at the stumps had to run in through a smoke screen that he was creating. He managed to make the cigar last for most of their innings.
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Batsmen wearing their box (with support) outside their trousers. Have seen this a few times. Why?
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Short for evening league so a mate helped out, turned up in whites and flip flops. Decided flip flops weren't protecting his feet enough so he headed to the football changing rooms and came back wearing the groundsmans wellies!
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Played a first team game last year where one of the oppo was playing in orange and blue Addidas Football boots. He was falling over in them pretty much every time he had to run, saved me from being caught twice. He got some major stick from everyone around for the full day.
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To be fair some pro was wearing football boots to field in in the Big Bash, I can't remember who but he said they were lighter and provided more grip for dynamic movements.
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Our 3rd team captain went to the best batting track of the season, won the toss, before apparently saying to their skipper "I don't know what I want to do, do you want to bat?"
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Most village thing? Australia's batting on the first morning of the Trent Bridge test? Too soon?
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Most village thing? Australia's batting on the first morning of the Trent Bridge test? Too soon?
To be fair they did get 60, that's a winning score in some parts of northern England at village level!
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To be fair some pro was wearing football boots to field in in the Big Bash, I can't remember who but he said they were lighter and provided more grip for dynamic movements.
I've seen Micahel Hussey do it before on a wet outfield.
If you aren't going to bowl or go near the pitch, football boots are actually better as they provide more grip I find and if the field is wet or potentially muddy in some parts as the boots studs don't get clogged as much as spikes do.
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Herschelle Gibbs and Umar Akmal wore football boots fielding. Blades rather than full on studs though, I expect.
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When I was tidying our home changing room yesterday I picked ups pair of socks didn't have any problems identifying who they belonged to as they had his name inside the village bit is the owner is aged 32.
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When I was tidying our home changing room yesterday I picked ups pair of socks didn't have any problems identifying who they belonged to as they had his name inside the village bit is the owner is aged 32.
But you identified the owner and presumably returned his socks?
"If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid!"
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But you identified the owner and presumably returned his socks?
"If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid!"
Most mothers stop putting your name in your clothes when your aged about 12...
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Most mothers stop putting your name in your clothes when your aged about 12...
True, but it would solve the post game issue of "who has my shirt, it's a medium" flowed by 6 blokes checking if they had 2 in their bag by mistake
(Disclaimer, I'm nowhere near a medium so don't have to worry, my shirt would fit 3 of those blokes in it!)