Custom Bats Cricket Forum
General Cricket => Your Cricket => Topic started by: Northern monkey on May 07, 2017, 11:50:24 AM
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Post the stupidest comments made whilst playing, usually from oppos keeper
I've had two this year so far
'This lads not scared of the ball'after cutting first ball for four
And yesterday's was, 'I bet you were dreaming about facing bowling this bad last night'
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'Well bowled mate, that's nice' as one sailed down the leg side.
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"Has your mom come to watch you play today son?"
That's me guilty with that at the young lad who opened against us yesterday.
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After I drove the ball back past the bowler and held the pose :
First slip hey mate We're you sculptured by Michael Angelo
No well stop standing there like a F---ing statue.
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After I drove the ball back past the bowler and held the pose :
First slip hey mate We're you sculptured by Michael Angelo
No well stop standing there like a F---ing statue.
Calling BS on this one, I'm yet to meet a slip who doesn't think Michael Angelo is a Ninja Turtle...
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Not a stupid comment as such but Monty P was playing minor counties at our club today and introduced the place as "Wiltshire, which is in Warminster" on his Twitter feed :) You could forgive him a slip of the tongue but he doesn't half get things jumbled a lot :) Had lots of time for everyone and didn't mind being constantly bothered when warming up and made a lot of people's day as a result
How did he bowl?
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Not a stupid comment as such but Monty P was playing minor counties at our club today and introduced the place as "Wiltshire, which is in Warminster" on his Twitter feed :) You could forgive him a slip of the tongue but he doesn't half get things jumbled a lot :) Had lots of time for everyone and didn't mind being constantly bothered when warming up and made a lot of people's day as a result
Which County is he playing for mate?
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Shook his hand in Bristol last year, lovely bloke
He laughed at me cos I did a double take/ is it or isn't it. Ha
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Walked out to open yesterday, slip gives it "ooh, new bat, let's make sure he doesn't use it." my first thought, it's not new and then thought he's clearly not a CBFer...
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Steve James writes well about clueless club cricket sledging in his book 'The Art of Centuries'.
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Some guy with all the kit was giving non stop chatter as keeper yesterday. Eventually asked him "which team do you normally play for?", given it was Oxford 4s. I think he eventually got the point the higher you play in a club the more bs you talk.
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The point Steve James made was that these people think they are being like the pro when they chat this bs; but are, in fact, very far wide of the mark.
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I also wonder if professional cricketers actually feel the need to shout a weight in pounds and ounces every time they pick up a cricket bat.
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Similar comment for me yesterday. Don't think it occurred to brains of Britain behind the stumps that a bat might be tidied up ahead of the first game of the season... but it is hard to come up with a witty comeback explaining nerdy tendencies :) The nice irony was the only guy who did have a new bat (straight from Sports Direct no less) hit a solid 49 to keep us in the game
It wasn't even cleaned up! Numerous cherries on it, but i agree i couldn't think of anything to come back at him with so I figured better to leave him to it. He didn't shut up all game though
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I've had keepers and slips talking nonsense all game a few times in the past. It actually annoyed me which helps me bat. On one occasion it was just so irritating I just kept on replying along the lines of 'god, this is boring chat' or 'I'm embarrassed for you' etc. I also started talking a lot from the non-strikers end encouraging my partner.
I'm not sure if it was a good thing to do but I hadn't heard a batsman do that before so I thought why not.
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I'll always encourage my partner from the non strikers end, especially if they're struggling a bit or its a good ball. "Good leave" "solid mate" or a "no joy for them there" are regular ones from me.
I also like a "it's the pitch, mate, he's not got much" between overs as the bowler passes, with advice to the contrary once he's gone if required!
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I've had keepers and slips talking nonsense all game a few times in the past. It actually annoyed me which helps me bat. On one occasion it was just so irritating I just kept on replying along the lines of 'god, this is boring chat' or 'I'm embarrassed for you' etc. I also started talking a lot from the non-strikers end encouraging my partner.
I'm not sure if it was a good thing to do but I hadn't heard a batsman do that before so I thought why not.
As a keeper I'd talk even more rubbish if a batsman responded like that, likely that the slips and close fielders would also join in. Best make sure you don't play any bad shots or score slowly otherwise your remarks would be returned on you.
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They were talking so much I didn't think they could get any worse. I don't mind a bit of talking and encouragement but when it is just nonsense and really boring stuff I can only take so much.
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^ completely agree. In our game the slip stood appealing with his arms raised and shouting for so long i started singing the theme tune to 'YMCA'...
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They were talking so much I didn't think they could get any worse. I don't mind a bit of talking and encouragement but when it is just nonsense and really boring stuff I can only take so much.
I tend to find that joining in their conversation stops any chirp.
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Thinking about this ,,, I've probably come out with some pretty stupid ones myself.
Tend to keep my mouth shut these days
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"Batsman has NO idea.. no idea!" - this after a wide ball is bowled.
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Last game of last season we were playing the top /undefeated side in the comp . Rain affected green top , I'm opening the batting , leaving a lot of balls. The bowlers were getting frustrated. One of them bowls a ball , i leave it . He says "you're so fn sht you should do us all a favour - kick your stumps over so you can f off". I smiled and said "well bowled mate" . Next over he once again told me what he thought of me . I replied " yeah mate , i know how sht i am , but YOU haven't got me out yet . While you walk back to your mark why don't you put two and two together " . His teammates laughed and said i had a point . One of them even called the bowler crap too .
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I play for a mixed ability wandering team that just plays Sunday friendlies. The other week we played one of the bigger clubs in our area that fielded five first team players including three bowlers, the wicket keeper and their South African overseas all rounder. We limited them to 220-8 and then set about knocking them off. After losing a couple of quick wickets our number four played a great knock scoring 110n.o.
He was subject to incessant sledging throughout his innings including a priceless moment when the first team quickie run down the wicket after being pulled for yet another four in front of square and bellowed "You're f#%king s#it mate, you've only got one shot" almost simultaneously his captain was screaming at him "That's fu#*ing s#it, will you stop feeding that fu#%ing shot of his!
Another highlight came when our bat was on 94n.o and the wicket keeper was trying to gee up the SA overseas who was into his last over, "come on JJ, let's shatter this losers dream of a hundred...he doesn't even play league cricket" The irony seemingly lost on him that the best bowlers in his club had just been put round the park by someone that "doesn't even play league cricket".
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^ because its an easy opportunity to get away with bullying someone. There's no need for it and it makes them feel better about themselves
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^ what is it about cricket that seems to attract total tommy tankers some times? That last comment is all sorts of wrong
The worse thing was they didn't even clap him when he got his hundred. Classy bunch of blokes.
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The worse thing was they didn't even clap him when he got his hundred. Classy bunch of blokes.
Bad enough they put a pro out for a Sunday friendly let alone not clapping a hundred.
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The worse thing was they didn't even clap him when he got his hundred. Classy bunch of blokes.
Very poor form
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Today:
Me: "HowzaaaaAaaaaaat?"
Not out, it hit him outside of leg"
Me: "But it hit him in line with off?"
"That's what I meant"
Me: "????????"
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Played one of the nicest blokes in cricket today - gave three of our batsmen send offs despite not taking a wicket....did nothing but bowl bumpers and followed it up with a mouthful. First time he called our batsman a w@*^%r after him getting a golden - next one he said cheers for the catching practice to a guy who got a second baller and then finally called one of our batsman a 'S&£t player' despite him being one of the leagues top run scorers. LOL angriest bloke in cricket with no talent to match
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Wow
Complete tool
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Thankfully got promoted last season so don't have to face one of the angriest people I've met, let alone cricketers.
Gave it the full run through down the track, despite only bowling medium pacers and would always shout at his teenage son, even if he did something well, usually calling him a "little pr1ck" or "a useless piece of s**t"
Learnt to ignore him and avoid eye contact, as even a smile at him on his run through led to him literally growling at you!
Makes you wonder why some people play the game...
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^ because its an easy opportunity to get away with bullying someone. There's no need for it and it makes them feel better about themselves
This. The game allows people to openly bully and verbally abuse people that in any other situation they'd probably get sacked or thumped. All in the name of being 'competitive' remember..
Wepl is now supposed to be banning people for sledging, one frocester lad got banned for a game first week.. not heard of any more since although I suspect umpires just cba with causing issues by reporting it as that's how we are when we get poor umpires.. give them a 7 as it saves hassle.
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I had the same incident 3 weeks ago , Playing a Sunday game and i have never been the one to be fussed by verbal abuse , there i times when i Just laugh And just be the better man , however This guy was Pushing it Constantly giving me verbal abuse , i later found out this dad was the exact the same type of Player , I think its naturally in some Players to be aggressive i do not mind that, But there is a limit ... I would always believe in letting the ball do the talking
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Thankfully got promoted last season so don't have to face one of the angriest people I've met, let alone cricketers.
Gave it the full run through down the track, despite only bowling medium pacers and would always shout at his teenage son, even if he did something well, usually calling him a "little pr1ck" or "a useless piece of s**t"
Learnt to ignore him and avoid eye contact, as even a smile at him on his run through led to him literally growling at you!
Makes you wonder why some people play the game...
I love winding people like this up! Get them angry and smile at them. If they get more angry, just smile at them, or laugh!
Always good entertainment :D
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Batting in full GN kit today I hit the ball back past the bowler who runs down the track and has he passes me he said
I bet there's nothing left in the GN shop.
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Oppo today batted first and were quite vocal about us conceding 'so many' wides. We bowled a fair few, conceding 27 extras in total but when we batted chasing 193 they conceded 49 wides and a total of 69 extras......
Thanks for help boys, we chased it in 29 overs lol
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The not out batsman to me today after I got my first wicket
"That ball was so s*it, how didn't it go for six"
Unable to resist I went back with
"Because your mate just chipped it back to me and I caught it, champ..."
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Batting in full GN kit today I hit the ball back past the bowler who runs down the track and has he passes me he said
I bet there's nothing left in the GN shop.
That's actually funny, no?
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That's actually funny, no?
@Seniorplayer doesn't need anyone trying to be funny about his full GN kit. He just wants to look like his favourite player, Chris Woakes, in peace...
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That's actually funny, no?
It would have been in different circumstances i was taking guard ready to face my first ball distraction tatics and all that
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Here's a pearler from yesterday...
Regulation knick to me, keeping. Bowler, me, slip, mid on, mid off, skipper at deep cover, all go up in unison, startbrunning in. Bat doesn't walk, (their) umpire doesn't give it. Bat turns round, says...
"It's not my responsibility to walk."
Fair to say he got some stick, happily he gave some catching practice to mid off a couple of overs later. A classic case of behaviour in the pro game filtering down
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Here's a pearler from yesterday...
Regulation knick to me, keeping. Bowler, me, slip, mid on, mid off, skipper at deep cover, all go up in unison, startbrunning in. Bat doesn't walk, (their) umpire doesn't give it. Bat turns round, says...
"It's not my responsibility to walk."
Fair to say he got some stick, happily he gave some catching practice to mid off a couple of overs later. A classic case of behaviour in the pro game filtering down
When you say 'their' umpire i guess you mean one of their players who had to umpire . If so , i think a batsman owes it to his umpiring teammate to walk , thus avoiding potentially uncomfortable /embarrassing situations from poor decisions. If it was 'their' umpire as in an official umpire provided by that club , then he's got every right to lnot walk/et the umpire earn his keep and make the decision. ...even at an amateur level . It's not a crime or poor sportsmanship to not walk when you have offical umpires.
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It's not a crime or poor sportsmanship to not walk when you have offical umpires.
I totally disagree. many of the league umpires will admit to not having the greatest hearing and do it for the love of the game. A good natured game can turn on someone not walking when everyone knows it is out. It is basic cheating to know you are out and not to walk.
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I totally disagree. many of the league umpires will admit to not having the greatest hearing and do it for the love of the game. A good natured game can turn on someone not walking when everyone knows it is out. It is basic cheating to know you are out and not to walk.
Are the umpires happy to let you stay if you tell them they made a mistake?
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Are the umpires happy to let you stay if you tell them they made a mistake?
Everyone knows that I walk and I'm happy to accept any decision given. I can take a 'wrong' decision but I couldn't accept scoring runs when I knew I had 'cheated'.
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Everyone knows that I walk and I'm happy to accept any decision given. I can take a 'wrong' decision but I couldn't accept scoring runs when I knew I had 'cheated'.
Umpires are there to make decisions, good or bad there will be less arguments if you play to their decisions.
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The waking/not walking will always split opinion
I'm not one for walking, unless i know it's 100 per cent out
I've had literally hundreds of appalling decisions both as a batter and a bowler, and know it's an incredibly difficult job to be a perfect umpire, like I said, it's always gonna be controversial whatever .
I had a bowling one a coupla weeks ago, bowled a perfect Yorker first ball, trapping the batsman on his big toe, in front of the stumps.
Umpire fumbles to get his hand? Out of his pocket to give it out.. lush
I bowl another a coupla overs later, even plumber, and he doesn't give it?
Just looked at me like I'd asked to sleep with his wife or something??
Swings and roundabouts
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Funny how not walking is percieved as cheating by some . In any other sport it's 'play to the whistle' - imagine a world cup rugby final and the fly half throws a cut out pass to the unmarked winger , clear , open , nothing but a short stroll to the try line ..... he catches the ball and just hands it over to the ref ' sorry fellas , that pass went forward' . What bologna!
Re umpires not having good hearing..... that's their problem , ideally that wouldn't be the case though . Also , as a former umpire i can confidently say that more umpires prefer batsmen not to walk then vise versa .
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One last thing from me re walking. I've noticed many 'walkers' who say they couldn't bring themselves to 'cheat' yet they get hit on the thigh pad and it gets given as runs - i don't see them telling the umpire to reverse their decision and give it leg byes..... where's the consistency? Better to just leave it to the umps .
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Yesterday the lad bowling was shouting 'howzat' for every ball that hit anything. Even for a ball that was nailed through the covers.
Later in the second innings when I clean bowled him, he was still looking for a reason not to be given out. Let's just say I admire his competitive spirit but that's about it.
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Always walked when I know I am out but now I am thinking of leaving it to the umpires to many sides claiming catches stumpings for example witnessed a wicket keeper claim a stumping by knocking the wickets over with his Knees before the bowled ball had reached him then saw the same guy claim a stumping by taking the bowled ball in front of the stumps.
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Oppos had a very vocal!! Fellow northerner in their team yesterday .
Had to listen to the full range of stupid banter from him, but more than made up for it when he came on to bowl.
God knows who or what he thought he was, but anyway , I drove one straight past his left ear, to which he said 'how'd I miss that?'
I said, 'because you closed your eyes and sh@t yourself'
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Big skier went up to deep mid wicket. Our fielder stood, waiting, kept watching the line, then realised it wasn't going to make it, ran in full dive and it bounced hit him and went infield, Ho got up ran it down and threw it in.
Then one of the oppo on the otherside of pitch shouts "that hit fence and bounced back in its Six you cheating ******
Despite even his own team mates and the batsman that played the shot telling him he's blind. He steamed on the pitch shouting "who dares call me a liar, I'll fight everyone of you"
He was still claiming a six at tea.
I shudder at the muppets that play this game.
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Big skier went up to deep mid wicket. Our fielder stood, waiting, kept watching the line, then realised it wasn't going to make it, ran in full dive and it bounced hit him and went infield, Ho got up ran it down and threw it in.
Then one of the oppo on the otherside of pitch shouts "that hit fence and bounced back in its Six you cheating ******
Despite even his own team mates and the batsman that played the shot telling him he's blind. He steamed on the pitch shouting "who dares call me a liar, I'll fight everyone of you"
He was still claiming a six at tea.
I shudder at the muppets that play this game.
He will fight every one will he ? Hopefully someone will take up his offer and knock some sense into him.
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Had a quality one a couple of weeks ago.
Oppo tailender comes in and takes guard and umpire says "its Right arm over and there's 3 balls gone".
Tailender replies "so is that 3 left or 3 gone?" :D
To be fair i think it was banter rather than being dumb!
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In last week's ridiculous heat we got pounded to all parts to the tune of 290-5 off 40 overs.
Towards the end of their innings one of our guys, who thinks his chirping is far better than it is, decides to tell a guy that "his bat edges were getting a hell of a workout." He was 120 not out at the time...
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In last week's ridiculous heat we got pounded to all parts to the tune of 290-5 off 40 overs.
Towards the end of their innings one of our guys, who thinks his chirping is far better than it is, decides to tell a guy that "his bat edges were getting a hell of a workout." He was 120 not out at the time...
That reminds me of when some fool in the field calls out to a bloke slogging to cow corner for six to bring up run 120odd 'he's only got the one shot' !
Well maybe , but it seems to be pretty bloody effective a.t.m . ;)
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He will fight every one will he ? Hopefully someone will take up his offer and knock some sense into him.
(http://i1206.photobucket.com/albums/bb450/CPye061194/image_zpsxectdv0p.png) (http://s1206.photobucket.com/user/CPye061194/media/image_zpsxectdv0p.png.html)
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I wouldn't say stupid but I'll mention it anyway. A lad comes in to bat, middle order and you can see he fancies himself. After facing a few balls at one end he's down at the other end and calls for his mark, 'middle'? 'Middle' replies the ump. The next ball he gets clean bowled by a beaut of a late inswinger . On turning away back to the club the ump mutters enough for most to hear it, '...and that was your off stump'.
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Played yesterday and one of oppos batsmen offered these words of wisdom to a new batsman
'He's bowling off spin, that's coming into you'
I was bowling my googly?
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"Send him back.... it's past his bedtime!"
Sledge directed at me (48) whilst facing a 14 year old bowler.
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A keeper at Compton House nr Yeovil tried chirping me as I strode out to bat, Ayrtek on, said to me last time I saw something like that it was on Star Wars.
As I arrived a leaf rolled across the pitch, to which I picked up and presented and asked him to 'leaf it out mate'.
He was my mate after that
All in good jest sometimes
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A keeper at Compton House nr Yeovil tried chirping me as I strode out to bat, Ayrtek on, said to me last time I saw something like that it was on Star Wars.
As I arrived a leaf rolled across the pitch, to which I picked up and presented and asked him to 'leaf it out mate'.
He was my mate after that
All in good jest sometimes
That's very punny,good on you!