Custom Bats Cricket Forum
General Cricket => Your Cricket => Topic started by: Mr Cricket on June 03, 2010, 10:45:12 AM
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just a bit of fun, what is the best on-field cricket related banter you have ever heard or used?
theres always been the generic classics such as "hes got more blocks than legoland!" and "hes got more leaves than a tree" and so on
and of course theres the well documented famous ones such as Marsh to Botham "So how's your wife and my kids?"
but i want to hear some really original sledges/banter that you have thought up or heard...
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After the batsman has played and missed at 5 or 6. "If I were you mate, I'd retire embarrassed" :D
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We had a South African leggie that played a couple of games for us. He was possibly the most irritating person I have ever met, with an unbelievably overinflated sense of his own ability. Every game he would say at least once or twice 'Bowl him a piano, see if he can play that'. Not an original or very good sledge in the first place, but when you hear it a few times, it just gets so grating.
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good stuff so far, theyve made me chuckle! keep 'em coming :D
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That went through him like a late night curry ? :)
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One of bowlers made me laugh a batsmen played and misses again and again so he calmly asked him if he would like a f'ing bell in the ball to which we all started making bell sounds until he was out good fun
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Mr Cricket, you forgot the reply! Wifes fine but the kids are retarded! :D
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one of my ex captians came out with
"shine up that ball lads, give it a good rub, theres no genie in there but theres demons in the wicket!"
nothing aimed at the batsman but nonetheless still got us all smirking in the field
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One batsman wanted the screen moved after practically every ball. So our captain turned round and said "I look at the ball personally"
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his bats like a polo, all edge no middle!
best get the L plates out, this one can't drive
Big swing, no ding.
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"get this man a taxi, he cant drive" is something i heard a lot before i learnt to play properly
also "get this man a knife, he cant cut!"
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I've seen better quality batter on a piece of fish :)
Get this guy a girlfriend cos he can't pull
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Paulo Oneshot is another personal favourite! in tribute to ex Derby, West Ham and Man City footballer - Paulo Wanchope
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i got told to shut up by the umpire on saturday because apparently sledging isnt allowed in cricket
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Ha, an old bloke was it?
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i got told to shut up by the umpire on saturday because apparently sledging isnt allowed in cricket
surprised you got a game in on saturday stubbzy, most games in SLB were abandoned, i was called off at Billingborough, they kept us there until 3.30 cos they were determined to play it, but the rain never went :(
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All the gear, no idea has been said to me before
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most of the banter falls into the category of you needed to be there - although my favourite was from a season or two ago when a particular batsman (thouroughly nice bloke incidentally) who had clearly spent way to much time making him self look like Hunter from gladiators walked out to bat in a very tight cricket shirt - at which point our first slip pitched in with (as the bowler was about to start his run up) "Contenders RRRReady"
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More misses than henry the 8th ;)
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I remember once our opening bat walked in, the opposition looked at him and put 2 out on cow before the first ball had been bowled :L not banter but was funny cause he smashed everything through off instead
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a more current one the lads at my club r using, more misses than tiger and jt put together
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All the gear, no idea has been said to me before
i got that the other week playing some (No Swearing Please)-heads, what made me laugh is the keeper who said it to me had been run out for 0 trying to take a single 3rd ball with a ridiculous call. I chuckled and then managed to play and miss one next ball! He then went "yup, nooo idea" and i said "looks like the only difference between us is the kit then" which pretty much shut him up. Went on to make 18* not facing many balls so was satisfied not to get out!!
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My favourite sledge was from Ian Healy to Nasser Hussain. He was facing Warne and Warne wanted a man in close ‘right under his nose’. So Healy pipes up to the fielder to go to deep cover due to the size of Nasser’s hooter!
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so late on it, he was early for the next one
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An opposition batsman walked in to bat with a really nice looking piece of willow. Played and missed half a dozen times....'He has a really nice bat. Wonder why he doesn't use it?'
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that's top drawer!
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had a funny one on saturday against the bristol west indies. had just got to 50, then hit 2 fours in one over then played and missed, all i heard was 'c'mon den boys! dee only thing this mon is swinging at is dee wind!!'
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I love phoenix and bristol west indies, always a laugh or tow out there, some things they say just arent funny but i love the accent so makes me laugh.
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i could hardly stop laughing through my whole innings! so funny, a few of them were trying to do english/aussie accents that were awful! definately the funniest opposition i've ever played against by a country mile, can't wait for the return fixture!
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yeah they are always good fun! Also like the teas if you get the windies jerk chicken and reggae reggae sauce!
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yeah there was chicken everywhere haha! chicken wraps, chicken rolls, pasta with chicken! the lot!
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'seat belt in boys this boy don't know how to drive'
'we got this boy fishing without no bait'
haha captain always shouts those remember the look on one umpires face when my captain said that thought he was gonna blow!
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got told a good one yesterday. a friend was talking about when he was 'rapid' (probably a good 20 years ago)
he was taking an aussie to pieces one saturday afternoon. the guy couldnt get bat on ball to save his life.
playing and missing, late shots and giving banter even though he was in marks pocket (aussies are all the same)
Mark walks down (holding ball up in his hand) and says 'its red, its round and its got a seam on it'!
turns back to his run up, digs in a short one.... The aussie rocks back and launches him three fields into a large oak tree. A huge branch falls followed by the ball. aussie walks down the wicket, pats it down and says
'thanks for the tip maaate'
hahaha maybe had to be there but that just had me in stitches!!!
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Thats stolen from a test match sledge
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Thats stolen from a test match sledge
Yeah, Viv Richards i think - 'You know what it looks like, now go fetch it' or some such...
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thought it was ricky p and s pollock
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http://www.bathroomwall.co.uk/store/viv-richards-tshirt-p-345.html
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It's was Richards for somerset against Glamorgan at Taunton
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you just dont sledge viv
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Gutted I'd not heard that before Saturday and was creased up laughing.
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I remember the McGrath sarwan incident. McGrath to sarwan "what does Brian laras cock taste like?"
Sarwans response..."don't know, ask your wife!!"
Sarwan didn't know mrs McGrath was in a bad way and I've never seen Glenn bowl as quick!! That's a bad sledge!!
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I remember the McGrath sarwan incident. McGrath to sarwan "what does Brian laras cock taste like?"
Sarwans response..."don't know, ask your wife!!"
Sarwan didn't know mrs McGrath was in a bad way and I've never seen Glenn bowl as quick!! That's a bad sledge!!
i believe mcgraths reply was something along the lines of "im going to rip your (No Swearing Please) throat out" was it mcgrath involved with eddo brandes when the bowler said "why are you so (No Swearing Please) fat" and the reply was "cos every time i (No Swearing Please) your wife she gives me a biscuit!"
banter is fun :)
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That was mgrath as the same words were said between mgrath and key
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Funny stuff! I love sledging.
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Heard a good 1 at the weekend... "this lads like JLS - he's only got one shot"
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I like it lol
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Yer it was very good!! They said it to me but then the next 3 balls I cut one for 4, pulled one for 6 and then cover drove one for 4. I turned round winked and said that it was a good song lol
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on sunday, somebody said "this lad cant play the outswinger"... then proceeded to rip out my off pole with a snorter, case closed - good banter!
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I got told to fu*k off a couple of weeks ago, played against a team from bournemouth. They are basically a bunch of young cocky pikeys. I knew this so said nothing to them when i went out to bat. I ignored all banter and got on with batting. I got out turn and headed for the pavilion and was told to fu*k off by the bowler. I turned around and said if there was any need for it and he didn't even admit it.
It reallys annoys me. Every team in the league has had a run in with that team.
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Yer it was very good!! They said it to me but then the next 3 balls I cut one for 4, pulled one for 6 and then cover drove one for 4. I turned round winked and said that it was a good song lol
brilliant!
a couple of sundays ago a similar thing happened to us, this bat's main scoring shot was guiding it to third man region. me and a mate started singing the chorus to one shot by jls,
he then plays his shot and gets it past my mate for 4 "i might only have one shot but its good enough for you!"
friendly banter alround said with smiles :) :)
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got to love a bit of sledging!
one that sticks in my mind was a few years ago..
We are playing a league match and this guy is playing and missing and we are giving him some abuse.. he turns round and says "Ive come down to devisions to play this standard to help them out"
next ball he was out
so bowler comes down wicket and goes
"looks like you need to drop down a few more cock"
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"looks like you need to drop down a few more cock"
The thing is there is absolutely no need for this kind of a send off... it isn't funny, I would apologise to the batsman if someone from my team said that.
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havn't heard much on field banter this season, apart from one game where the opposition's south african overseas player heard my team mates call me by my nickname 'bucchy'. i walk out to open the batting and he's calling me bucchy after every shot, 'head over the ball bucchy!' 'lets send bucchy back then lads!'. untill i hit a 17 ball 35 before being caught behind :(
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got to love a bit of sledging!
one that sticks in my mind was a few years ago..
We are playing a league match and this guy is playing and missing and we are giving him some abuse.. he turns round and says "Ive come down to devisions to play this standard to help them out"
next ball he was out
so bowler comes down wicket and goes
"looks like you need to drop down a few more cock"
I agree with buzz on that, the bowler has proved his point, no need for the send off.
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Kind of banter from this sundays game, playing a team by the name of staplegrove, a very good team who its always fun to play against them. they hit 248 and one of their guys hit a nice 102 (not suprising when he played for their prem team)
so Im in at 6, not much banter about the helmet and an old friend of mine inspecting the COR3 thinking it was the MMi3 (like most people do haha). A couple overs in their guy who scored 102 goes to me "you know your still on 0 dont you?" for a bit of a laugh. Next ball i drive past mid wicket for 4, my partner tells me to ask them who Im on now, their responce was quite good: "your still 97 behind me"! of course, its actully 98 haha
next over comes and they decide to have some fun, I am a heavy leg side batsman, and they used to when I came in stack the leg side with 8-9 guys, first ball goes over to cow for 4, though I would have some banter then with them: "you guys might wana put someon on the boundaries", next one is pulled over square for 4, quite liking it, about 3 balls later a skidder got me out, came back in and being it was a kid I though I would say it was a nice delivery, the boy had a laugh at it, to which I joking said "well it was....if it didnt skid"
always nice when you get banter from guys you know and its all taken as a joke
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The thing is there is absolutely no need for this kind of a send off... it isn't funny, I would apologise to the batsman if someone from my team said that.
ok it isnt funny if ur the batter but 90% of are team found it funny..
and so what? if hes gonna give it the big i am he should be able to take it on the chin and back it up
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tbf he was asking for it
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the majority of batsmen in our league are like that!!
and some of the sledging gets very out of hand but its all fun and games.
i am one of the gobby gits but i just like to see if someone will bite... they usually do 8)
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ok it isnt funny if ur the batter but 90% of are team found it funny..
and so what? if hes gonna give it the big i am he should be able to take it on the chin and back it up
We they actually laughing or was it a nervous, embarassed laugh caused by people who don't want to upset the big "fast" bowler who was being a moron?
If you have any sort of talent, there really is no place for a send off and you should have the confidence in yourself and your ability to know and say that.
and from the description he wasn't asking for it.
Ask Micheal Holding or (if you could) Malcolm Marshall if they ever gave anyone a send off.
There has only ever been one truly memorably send off and that was the Fat Bus Conductor one between Merv and Sunny Gavaskar.
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Buzz by the sounds of things mate .. you must still play cricket as a gentlemans sport :) and it cant be very competative if you think a send of is not worthy :)
or maybe are league is just full of C**ts
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Ding Ding tickets please!!
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Buzz by the sounds of things mate .. you must still play cricket as a gentlemans sport :) and it cant be very competative if you think a send of is not worthy :)
or maybe are league is just full of C**ts
Humm... I would suggest Surrey Championship first team cricket is relatively competative - and slips from being hard but fair to being full of gobby wannabeesbutwillneverbees. The best and most successful teams I have played against have always known where the line is.
You say "still play cricket as a gentlemans sport" what are you implying? That cricket is now a yobs sport?
I can't comment on your league, but I suspect your assessment is correct.
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ah your southern that explains it :P
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i loved the banter when i played against east moseley once and got slated for being a northern monkey think there surrey championship
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i some times wish i was from other parts of the country just to see what the standard is like in other places..
me and prowannabe are traveling down to kent soon for a few games
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yes, East Moseley are a decent div 1 side.
Simmy enjoy your tour, some of the Kent teams are pretty strong and many of the grounds are wonderful.
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stay up north they have hard decks down south and there quick but i found the standard the same as anywere else apart from the pro;s further up north seem to be a little bit better and more people watch club cricket up north
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stay up north they have hard decks down south and there quick but i found the standard the same as anywere else apart from the pro;s further up north seem to be a little bit better and more people watch club cricket up north
Why would you not want to play on a hard and quick pitch?
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We they actually laughing or was it a nervous, embarassed laugh caused by people who don't want to upset the big "fast" bowler who was being a moron?
If you have any sort of talent, there really is no place for a send off and you should have the confidence in yourself and your ability to know and say that.
and from the description he wasn't asking for it.
Ask Micheal Holding or (if you could) Malcolm Marshall if they ever gave anyone a send off.
There has only ever been one truly memorably send off and that was the Fat Bus Conductor one between Merv and Sunny Gavaskar.
you cant forget warnes outburst at cullinan can you lol?
my favorite (cant remember who was involved) was the batsmen fell over playing a shot and late cautting the ball for 4 while on the ground, bowler said "there'll be no return ticket one of these days!"
the two teams played again a few seasons later it think - the bowler got the batsmen out and as he walked off, ran up to him and gave him a single train ticket back to his hometown! and that was when it was a gentlemans sport :)
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some notherners i have invited down south to play have got used to a green top up north and struggle with them when it rises above waist height at speed it took me a while your get used to things i suppose..
sorry for the genralisation
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who doesnt love a hard quick pitch!
the quicker the better in my opinion!
lots of money and pro's in our area. takes the enjoyment from the game sometimes but its 1 of those things i guess.
its usually the money men that give the worst sledging as well.
think we are going to bexley for a tour match. the place looks nice enough
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pro who you play for up north
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well me and prowannabe will be touring with streethouse CC
they got to the village knockout final at lords last year.
some of the decks we play on are like roads! very hard and very green bowlers dream really..
ask prowannabe hes got the bruises to prove it lol
just will be nice to go and play some where diffrent
bexley have 6 teams on a sat! massive club compared to where we come from where there are just 1st and 2nds
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what league is that
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Pontefract and District cricket league
we play for a very small club called old sharlston.
No money involved at all infact far from it!
we dont have any. have an old woodern club house a ropey ground and low soft track.
but its a grate set of lads and we are chalanging for the title this year againts teams that wage bills must be up in there thousands a season
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PDCL Pontefract and district cricket league.
mostly high village standard but some clubs have money and arent scared to splash it around.
play sides like wrenthorpe and townville in some cup competitions who have the likes of gerard brophy, tim bresnan and craig white on their books.
fun stuff if you can play those sides in play offs
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Only just remembered what happened in the 2nd game of this season. A usual first-teamer for the opposition played against us for their 2nds, and he came down thinking he was the best player on the pitch by a long way. He bowled 3-0-43-0, came into bat and cut a wide ball for four first ball. Then he said to the bowler 'It's too easy out there mate!'. Bowler bowls him the very next ball, 'Too easy is it?! 3rds next week for you!'
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same story as mine haha love it!
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sorry mate, just seen yours!
i do have a scorecard to prove it though.....
http://minehead.play-cricket.com/scoreboard/scorecard.asp?id=10879481
the guy im on about bowled 3rd change and batted 8