Smith's article
The Times sports editor has appointed me to select a World XI to take on an all-conquering team from Mars.
First question: if the match is an away fixture, what’s the pitch like on Mars? You can’t pick a World XI in a vacuum. As England have discovered in India, you have to get the right team structure to suit the conditions. This is tricky. There is no liquid water on Mars, so while there is some cloud cover, I don’t expect extravagant swing. But spinners traditionally do not enjoy cold weather. The only solution is to pick a balanced attack that is well suited to all conditions: five batsmen, one all-rounder, a wicketkeeperbatsman, three seam bowlers and a spinner.
On the batting front, the biggest headache is deciding on the order. I’ve asked Michael Clarke to captain and he’s replied: “Thank you, I’ll bat No 5.”
It is not a privilege given to anyone else. In fact, as sole selector, I have defined my role carefully. Role clarification No 1: the batting order is the exclusive preserve of the captain (translation: don’t blame me). No 2: I will not be at the ground when KP discovers that he might be batting imperiously, but today there is no need to put his thigh pad on just yet.
Alastair Cook is an automatic pick as one opener. Who should partner the England captain? The really bold move would be to pick Kumar Sangakkara as an opener — and also persuade him to resume his career as wicketkeeper. But we know that Sangakkara prefers to bat at three and not to keep at all. So perhaps the percentage move is to select a genuine opener in Graeme Smith. That’s what I’ve done.
But an opening partnership of Smith and Cook creates problems in the middle order. If Sangakarra doesn’t get in as keeper-opener, how do I get him in at all? Because I’m certain about my No 3: Hashim Amla. Clarke and Cook are on fire right now, but over a slightly longer time frame, Amla is the best batsman in the world. And there is no doubt that Jacques Kallis will bat No 4 and take up responsibilities as the team’s senior pro. Clarke, we know, has already put his beach towel down on the sunlounger named “No 5”.
So that leaves just one batting slot and three superb candidates: Sangakkara, Shivnarine Chanderpaul, and KP. Sangakkara is arguably the most complete player; Chanderpaul the most reliable; Pietersen the most brilliant and destructive on his day. It is an awful trilemma. Having been conservative about the opening pair, I am going all out for a win with my No 6: KP gets it. That means I’m leaving out Chanderpaul, the top-ranked batsman in the world. As I said, I won’t be at the ground when he finds out.
A keeper-batter is required at No 7. I can either try to persuade Sangakkara to resume keeping duties and swallow the indignity of batting with the tail. Or to pick Matt Prior to play his natural game in his favoured position. That’s what I’ve decided on. Sangakkara is instead appointed team manager, lawyer, spokesman, historian and all-round Renaissance Man. First job, Kumar: please make it right with Chanders.
What about the bowlers? I feel comfortable picking only four specialist bowlers because Kallis, a superb fifth bowler, balances the team perfectly. And I’m not too concerned about runs from the tail. If that top seven can’t do the business, I’ll resign. So I’m looking at bowling options with one simple criterion: which four bowlers are the most likely to get me 20 wickets?
There is one qualification: I want variety in my attack. I want at least one tall fast bowler to extract maximum bounce from the pitch. I want plenty of swing and movement from the other two seam bowlers — and one spinner.
Dale Steyn is an automatic pick because he is the best bowler in the world. It is hard to imagine bowling a better ball than the one Clarke edged behind off him in the third Test last week. Line: angled in towards the stumps; movement: late away swing; pace: more than quick enough. That is how to bowl.
There were three candidates to be the tall, hit-the-deck bowler: Morné Morkel, Steven Finn or Peter Siddle. Morkel got the nod. One seam bowler left. James Anderson has a good case, as does the underrated Ben Hilfenhaus. But Vernon Philander has had an exceptional year. We are only learning now, as Cook batters India into depression, just how good Philander is. Because Philander pretty much eliminated Cook as a force during the England v South Africa series last summer by getting him out early. If you can knock “The Chef” out of England, you are making a serious contribution to your team.
But how can I justify picking three South African seam bowlers out of three spots? Because they deserve it on merit.
Two spinners jostle for the last place. Graeme Swann is a wonderful exponent of classical off spin. But Saeed Ajmal shaded it. Whether the Martians have Sky Super-Slow replays and Hawk-Eye is unclear. But there is at least a chance they haven’t deciphered Ajmal’s mystery varieties yet.
Just after I’ve put the final team- sheet under Clarke’s hotel-room door in Houston, Sangakkara phones. A last-minute change, he explains. He’s seized control of selection, dropped Smith and picked himself as opener. There are also big problems with Chanderpaul, who still thinks he’s batting at five. So does KP. And Clarke.
I text back from the departure gate: “I’ve always believed that the manager should pick the team on the day and that the captain settle on the final batting order. You have my full support. Bye.” I left the mobile hidden inside an inflight magazine, where it remains, switched off and unanswered.
I am not available for interview.
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Topic: Current World XI (Read 2118 times)