Custom Bats Cricket Forum
General Cricket => Your Cricket => Topic started by: Kaz092 on April 22, 2011, 12:06:45 AM
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Hey guys got quite a few tough games coming up firmiliar oposition, just wandering if you guys have heard anything new on the field of play
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I have so many, it is late now but will post some tomorrow.
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I have so many, it is late now but will post some tomorrow.
Looking forward to it mate
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This isn't the best but it made me chuckle because of how bad it was.
"Harry Potter's got a new wand and he doesn't know how to use it."
Just Terrible.
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I'm not gonna take credit for this one as it came from the mouth of one of our younger players (14) during a Sunday game but had us all in stitches
Opening batsman at the crease and had just been looking to heave one of our opening bowlers and failing to make contact with the first 4 balls of this particular over when all goes quiet.........."he's had more misses than Henry the eighth!!!"
We all fell about laughing.
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thats a good one^^^ i allways like
fella there is some (No Swearing Please) on end of your bat. they turn there bat upside down n look at toe and u shout no mate the other end...
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I've always liked
Hey muppet the instructions are on the back
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For those that only have one shot...
"Come on boys, let's get rid of Paulo!"
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I was batting last season,and I let a few go to the keeper outside offstump. Keeper shouted "good length, good length"- 1st slip shouted..."his mrs doesnt think so!"
Had me in stitches :)
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"this lads like JLS, he's only got one shot"
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I bat in my glasses so the inevitable 'let's get him put so he can get back to quidditch' or 'I didnt know Harry Potter played cricket' came out in junior cricket.
The fielders were the ones that got annoyed because I just laughed and shrugged my shoulders
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i tend to find sledging my own team is better than the other team
there are that many jokes flying round between are own team hard to direct it at the oppersition
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I agree with simmy, I tend to complement the opposition if they do something as I would rather make friends than enemys and have a beer with them after. The only pi55 take/sledging is to my team mates. I do however get aggressive if they don't walk or are mouthy first...
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inter-team banter > sledging
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i tend to find sledging my own team is better than the other team
there are that many jokes flying round between are own team hard to direct it at the oppersition
Yeah, I have a bit of banter with my own lot ahead of the opposition! If they kick off though, I have a go back!
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i hate those stupid one line sledges that everyones heard before i.e 'more leaves than a tree'.
prefer something more original and witty
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I agree with simmy, I tend to complement the opposition if they do something as I would rather make friends than enemys and have a beer with them after. The only pi55 take/sledging is to my team mates. I do however get aggressive if they don't walk or are mouthy first...
Yeah I don't tend to sledge at all, mainly because someone always get in there before me and because I don't have the talent to back the sledging up :D
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Love it when they give you some after scoring big runs best one was our old pro who had bashed a brutal 100..
One lad who has not scored a run in his life turned to him and said...
"I hope you do not teach the kids that".....
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I think i actually got done with the best one i heard.
Batting was Frank Griffith, he just came into bat, and spend too long padding down some non existing holes in the pitch with his bat.
Me '' Hey Frank, want me to call out your groundsman to sort out the strip as your past your sell by date and we dont want any excuses''
Frank '' How about you lay down and i roll you along the wicket you fat git''
Even made me chuckle
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I think i actually got done with the best one i heard.
Batting was Frank Griffith, he just came into bat, and spend too long padding down some non existing holes in the pitch with his bat.
Me '' Hey Frank, want me to call out your groundsman to sort out the strip as your past your sell by date and we dont want any excuses''
Frank '' How about you lay down and i roll you along the wicket you fat git''
Even made me chuckle
HAHAHAHAHAHA quality :D
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"this lads like JLS, he's only got one shot"
also like this one very much :D
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our standard ones tend to be...
(a guy that looks like a batter but isnt) - ALL THE GEAR, NO IDEA! - i get this one all the time :D
(after a few swing n miss) - IN FOR A GOOD TIME, NOT A LONG TIME!
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Inter team banter is fun we all have animal nick names so gets teams guessing as some actions are performed
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wookie by any chance
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Not far off gorilla or rilla roo because of my name
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I could think of some better ones with a name like that
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i personaly like i think ur bats made out of MDF
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Yes but families come to watch and stems from gorilla
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As much as I like being 'vocal' on a cricket pitch, I'll never say anything directly to the opposition in a nasty was unless they walk or are mouthy themselves. If I know people on the other team, like when we play Tom's team's then I'll pipe-up every now and then.
I was keeper first game of the season which was an inter-club game and me and first slip were ripping it out of the batsmen and must've talked 2 or 3 out lol. :D
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some people thrive of confrontation and perform better because of it...
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One of the worst I have heard was after our opener smashed the bowler straight over his head over the sight screen for 6 the keeper piped up
Woahh lads huge top edge there
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One of the worst sledges I've heard was from our own wicket keeper, a batter's come in and played a glorious pull followed next ball by a cut. So our WK comes out with 'Come on lads he's only got one shot'. Everyone just stood there 'You really are thick as pig-s**t!'
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I had that to me last season from the same team the bowler bounced me then I pulled it for 6 and the keeper said
Straight across the line he can only slog
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As much as I like being 'vocal' on a cricket pitch, I'll never say anything directly to the opposition in a nasty was unless they walk or are mouthy themselves. If I know people on the other team, like when we play Tom's team's then I'll pipe-up every now and then.
I was keeper first game of the season which was an inter-club game and me and first slip were ripping it out of the batsmen and must've talked 2 or 3 out lol. :D
I'm also quiet behind the stumps. Even in league games I try to be nice to the batsman. In friendlies I throw a bit of light-hearted banter around.. :)
Though on Saturday, opening bat had blocked a few and midwicket (also 16 like me) - chirped: "He's had more blocks than Legoland."
Absolutely Cringeworthy... :(
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have any of you come across a batsman doing commentry whilst batting..
there not much can say to them...
in come the bowler and they speak about them self as the 3rd person funny as hell
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have any of you come across a batsman doing commentry whilst batting..
there not much can say to them...
in come the bowler and they speak about them self as the 3rd person funny as hell
I've done it before, talked to myself while batting, you get the occasional "are you schizophrenic?" and a decent enough reply is "nah, I'm just better conversation than you" or something like that!
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It's always the wicketkeepers that ramble rubbish...
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One of the worst I have heard...
Batsman plays a bad shot...
Batsman "(No Swearing Please) sakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"
Slip "Have you got tourettes?"
Batsman "No."
Slip "Sure sounds like it"
Batsman "I'd rather have tourettes than what you've got"
Slip: (getting angry now) "What have I got then?"
Batsman: "downs syndrome by the look of your face"
Cue the whole opposition fielders laughing at their own player and the guy storming off the field!
(sorry if anyone was offended by that, not the nicest sledge!)
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Remember a game a few years back and we were struggling so holding out for the draw seemed like the best option
And these were the lines I got
"More dots than an eastenders omnibus here lads"
"This guy has had more partners than Jordan"
In all honesty I just thought the guy was a t%$£t considering he got a first baller, but the dot one did bring a little chuckle !!!
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few generic ones:
more blocks than legoland
more leaves than a tree
get him a knife, he cant cut
take the wheel, he cant drive
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Speaking of interteam banter we have a fines master and after every game he will fine every player for something they have said/done/worn or all of the above. It's a great way to bond after a game and the 2 or 3 quid from each person goes to the end of season Piss up!
On a slightly other note another thing I do as I stand at 1st slip is to count each throw from the keeper back around to the bowler. Every throw is 1p until someone drops it and they are fined what ever it's up to 50 throws is 50p.sometimes do 2 or 5p but we have a £5 cap on it.
It's funny that we don't play that game when I'm not at slip!
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Speaking of interteam banter we have a fines master and after every game he will fine every player for something they have said/done/worn or all of the above. It's a great way to bond after a game and the 2 or 3 quid from each person goes to the end of season Piss up!
On a slightly other note another thing I do as I stand at 1st slip is to count each throw from the keeper back around to the bowler. Every throw is 1p until someone drops it and they are fined what ever it's up to 50 throws is 50p.sometimes do 2 or 5p but we have a £5 cap on it.
It's funny that we don't play that game when I'm not at slip!
Haha can nobody else in your team count past 10? ;)
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My personal favourite I heard was, we played a team and our opening bowler pinned there opening batsmen first ball of his spell, and the batsmen was on the floor and our bowler walked up to him and went you moan as well as your sister did last night, because he had been with her sister the night before
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Haha can nobody else in your team count past 10? ;)
You'd be surprised at how true that statement is! But it's usually because I don't wanna be stung for any more money.
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Has one last year, was batting and played and missed at a ball. Keeper chirps up, keep asking question, he ain't got an answer. Next ball hooked for 6, turned around, little smile 'hows that for an answer' Then went onto to hit 55 in a 122 stand.
Had one where a team were feeding me on my legs and i was just picking them off, keepers says 'Haven't seen a shot on the off yet guys' Next ball creamed through the covers for 4, didn't run just turned around a smiled
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Oh and I'm playing for my Sunday team this Sunday against my Saturday team. I might bat with earplugs!
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Got a club game tommorow so there will be plenty said I feel
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thats a good one^^^ i allways like
fella there is some (No Swearing Please) on end of your bat. they turn there bat upside down n look at toe and u shout no mate the other end...
Genius. Quite simply.
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fella there is some (No Swearing Please) on end of your bat. they turn there bat upside down n look at toe and u shout no mate the other end...
This sledge ended up being said by a scorer after he had forgotten that the tannoy system was still switched on in a friendly match. The batter to which it was aimed at was not best pleased to say the least! Haha
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One of the worst I have heard...
Batsman plays a bad shot...
Batsman "(No Swearing Please) sakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"
Slip "Have you got tourettes?"
Batsman "No."
Slip "Sure sounds like it"
Batsman "I'd rather have tourettes than what you've got"
Slip: (getting angry now) "What have I got then?"
Batsman: "downs syndrome by the look of your face"
Cue the whole opposition fielders laughing at their own player and the guy storming off the field!
(sorry if anyone was offended by that, not the nicest sledge!)
LOL!
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a really bad one , dunno if it has been said . but .... ive seen better batter in a fish shop
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not sure if I have mentioned this on one of the other threads, but I was playing a game against a young batsman who needed to keep talking to everyone and anyone to help his concentration, he couldn't stop, after every ball he would try and start up a conversation with someone (all good natured.)
After he had got a decent 50, I wandered over to the keeper and skipper and suggested that that we adopt a total mute strategy and not to say anything while he batted. He was out shortly afterwards and had to walk past me back to the pavilion - as I said well played/bad luck he asked me why we had stopped talking to him, he was more upset about that than getting out... (I explained why in the bar afterwards)
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Is that a bra you're wearing mate??? always gets them. . . . . .or . . . you need a bra. . .
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This guys got more jam than hartleys is a classic
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Is that a bra you're wearing mate??? always gets them. . . . . .or . . . you need a bra. . .
this seriously isn't funny - I got cleaned up in the nets by a mate - I was totally distracted by his wobbling moobs as he trundled in. It cost me several drinks. !!! :)