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[Mr Cricket]

just a bit of fun, what is the best on-field cricket related banter you have ever heard or used?

theres always been the generic classics such as "hes got more blocks than legoland!" and "hes got more leaves than a tree" and so on

and of course theres the well documented famous ones such as Marsh to Botham "So how's your wife and my kids?"

but i want to hear some really original sledges/banter that you have thought up or heard...

[Colesy]

After the batsman has played and missed at 5 or 6. "If I were you mate, I'd retire embarrassed"

[mdl_1979]

We had a South African leggie that played a couple of games for us.  He was possibly the most irritating person I have ever met, with an unbelievably overinflated sense of his own ability.  Every game he would say at least once or twice 'Bowl him a piano, see if he can play that'.  Not an original or very good sledge in the first place, but when you hear it a few times, it just gets so grating.

[Mr Cricket]

good stuff so far, theyve made me chuckle! keep 'em coming

[Colesy]

That went through him like a late night curry ?

[roco]

One of bowlers made me laugh a batsmen played and misses again and again so he calmly asked him if he would like a f'ing bell in the ball to which we all started making bell sounds until he was out good fun

[alexrickyponting]

Mr Cricket, you forgot the reply! Wifes fine but the kids are retarded!

[Mr Cricket]

one of my ex captians came out with

"shine up that ball lads, give it a good rub, theres no genie in there but theres demons in the wicket!"

nothing aimed at the batsman but nonetheless still got us all smirking in the field

[Colesy]

One batsman wanted the screen moved after practically every ball. So our captain turned round and said "I look at the ball personally"

[Liam-SCCC]

his bats like a polo, all edge no middle!

best get the L plates out, this one can't drive

Big swing, no ding.

[Mr Cricket]

"get this man a taxi, he cant drive" is something i heard a lot before i learnt to play properly

also "get this man a knife, he cant cut!"

[Colesy]

I've seen better quality batter on a piece of fish

Get this guy a girlfriend cos he can't pull

[Mr Cricket]

Paulo Oneshot is another personal favourite! in tribute to ex Derby, West Ham and Man City footballer - Paulo Wanchope

[stubbzy]

i got told to shut up by the umpire on saturday because apparently sledging isnt allowed in cricket

[Liam-SCCC]

Ha, an old bloke was it?